30 Days Until 30 - Day 19

Creeping ever so close to 30, I have been rummaging through my mind contemplating what has shaped me to be the person I am today. I missed a few days. Because...children. :)

Today was one of those epic-ly awesome meets emotional disaster type days. I often find myself wondering is it fate? Or what we do that makes things play out the way they do. Were things destined to be complicated? Or did I complicate things by expecting them to head that way?

Planning & expecting are two very different things entirely. Things often don't go as planned, but things do tend to go how I expected them to.

It's different for those situations that are out of your control. We've all seen the expectations vs. reality memes. You know the one "sleeping with a baby." The expectation of cuddling with your tot on glisening white sheets as you both sleep soundly & beautifully. But the reality is a hot mess of sweat & jumbled blankets and more than likely a foot in your face & a leaky diaper. But the only choice you made there was putting your baby in your bed, the baby has all the cards here.

But in situations where you yourself are a key player you can have more power. But do you tend to assume the worst? I don't usually think I do. But there is a cynic growing deep within me. One that does not trust anyone to do anything. So she does everything alone. But sometimes it's not physically possible to handle it all. So she lashes out. Whether or not anyone deserves it, the motions are already set & the expectation of disaster is indeed correct.

So maybe I need to work on my perceptions of reality. Or maybe I need to stay in the moment. But one thing's for sure: I need to keep that cynic at bay. Because when she makes an appearance, plans get scrapped & harsh reality becomes the only reality.

When all was said & done today was pretty awesome. Sometimes steam needs to be vented. Maybe regulating that in a more productive way will be a goal I can achieve in my 30s. I'll add that to the list with consistently doing yoga, cutting back on soda, & figuring out how the hell anyone can actually meditate. Honestly, is a quiet mind even achievable for everyone? Or am I the only one in the chaotic mind club?

Namaste. ;D