Today my father would be 52. He passed away a bit over 7 years ago at the age of 44. He was very religious and we did not celebrate birthdays growing up. I do celebrate them with my family, so today is more awkward than anything. But I couldn't let the day go on without recognizing him. I will however, respect his wishes - so I will just wish him a very merry unbirthday and say that I miss him very much.
He did not believe in the afterlife or going to heaven, nor do I. Well, more honestly, I have no set expectations of the afterlife, as we are all ignorant until we arrive. But it will be exciting to find out the last great mystery, won't it? So while I don't believe he is watching over me, I do believe in celebrating the good things and people in my life. He taught me so much. Obviously, if I could change things I would, who wouldn't want to bring a loved one back? But so much of who I am today was born out of losing him. I am grown out of my experiences and mostly at peace with them.
I can conjure him up through old photos and memories, telling stories to the kids. One of the hardest things is knowing that he never got to meet 2 of my children. August would've owned him. :) Jacob would've loved to go see The Hobbit with him. He would've loved to laugh at me for ending up with a daughter "just like me" (Rachel I love you!!). And he would've held Hadley in his recliner and fell asleep just like he did when Rachel was tiny. These are the things I try not to think about...
Anyway, in conclusion - I love you dad. I miss you. Maybe we'll meet again. But above all, thank you for always being there and teaching me everything you could.
