In Memoriam: My Top 7 MCR Tracks

While I say goodbye to the band that held my hand through many a hard time, I felt compelled to write out a list of the songs that meant the most to me. This is by no means a list of my favorite My Chemical Romance songs, which would be impossible to name, but would surely have Cemetery Drive listed at least 5 times. You can read Gerard's goodbye message here and you can click on any song listed below to listen, song titles are linked to youtube videos.


7. Famous Last Words - simply put, my anthem of 2007.

6. Cancer - I avoided this song for a year before I actually listened to it, when I did it forced me to deal with things that I thought I'd dealt with already.

5. Bulletproof Heart - this song could easily be about my husband and I.

4. Helena - this is the song I zone out to, only to be ripped back into reality at the sound of "when both our cars collide." The video is gorgeous and to find out what the song was written about only makes me love it more.

3. I'm Not Okay (I Promise) - While Famous Last Words was my anthem, this is the track that was on in my car every Tuesday afternoon as I drove off to group therapy to try and correct the path I chose after dealing, or rather not dealing, with some issues. I always felt humbled and wonderful after a session and would end the evening with a migraine. Every. Single. Tuesday. After my time there I have never had another migraine, but the tools I learned remain and the music still plays on...

2. Welcome to the Black Parade - The beginning of my time with the band, the beginning of my time facing mortality. Wouldn't give this song up for anything.

1. It's Not a Fashion Statement, It's a Deathwish - this song takes on a whole new meaning when you sing it to yourself.

"This hole you put me in, wasn't deep enough, and I'm climbing out right now, you're running out of places to hide from me..."
 

 Today I say goodbye knowing all to well that the music can't die.

~*That Awkward Moment When Even Your Psychiatrist Abandons You*~

I woke up this morning and flipped through Facebook on my phone just like any other day. As I was surfing a Doctor Who fan page that I frequent I was blindsided by the news that My Chemical Romance had called it quits and as sappy or over dramatic as it sounds I literally had tears in my eyes as I spoke the words out loud to my husband. Why am I learning about this here? Surely they could have called!? Why break up with me over the internet?? But there is no scenario in which I would have taken the news like a rational human being. They could have sent David Tennant to my house to hold my hand as he broke the news and I still would have felt like the rug was pulled from underneath me. It's like if you were seeing a shrink and then one day you go to their office to discover it boarded up with a note saying "you're on your own."

 

Anyone who uses music as therapy may understand. As I recently told my sister, given the chance to meet Gerard Way in person I would probably lie down on the closest thing resembling a couch and start telling him all my problems. And they just quit. Just. Like. That.

 

I flew through the stages of grief, spending mere seconds in anger. After all, these guys started this band as boys after an American tragedy while going through various substance and emotional trials and are now men with wives and children and incredible experiences - and talent. The kind that the stars had to have aligned to bring together. I'm not mad at them. I don't even need to know why... but whyyyyyyyy?

 

I discovered the band in 2006, the year after my father passed. I was not a kid, but still young. He died of cancer and it was both a slow and impeccably fast process. But afterwards I was always angry that we never spoke of the elephant in the room, the elephant being death. We never talked about the fact that he was dying with him and it wasn't until the night before he died that my siblings, my husband, and our kids sat with my mom in her room until late in the night talking about everything.

 

The Black Parade came out a bit after and you can't miss the overwhelmingly deadly theme running through it. Track 8 is even called Cancer and the words literally ripped my heart out. But it was so therapeutic and I have had so many open discussion about death since then. Including my favorite late night talk with my husband about the afterlife or lack of it ("it can't be *nothing*, if were there to perceive nothing, then that's *something*"). That year we were blessed to see the band live 3 times. I also did a course in what was called "mood management therapy" for my anxiety. We were to rate our days on a scale of 1-10... the first day I got down to a 1 on the difficulty scale was the day after I attended The Black Parade tour.

 

And I never did get to thank them properly. I probably will never have a chance now. But after a day of reflection I have come to the conclusion that I am happy. I see the reaction online from a lot of the fans, many are still so young. Everyone seems to be feeling a connection in their own way, but all anyone needs to remember is this - the people come and go, but the music - that's ours. And that is forever.

 

And to the guys, we knew we couldn't keep you contained for long. You're all on to bigger and better (well, different and amazing) things, hopefully some of which you'll share. Until then, I'll leave you with your own words:

"We'll carry on, we'll carry on, and though you're dead and gone believe me - your memory will carry on..."

 

And Gerard, if you ever need to talk... I'm a great listener.