Why My Vote Matters, Even If It Didn't Count

Hey all, I have been MIA since September for many reasons. October is usually a month of reflection, so I refrained myself from writing post after post about things I still need to learn about, things I haven't fully come to grips with. Halloween & my birthday were both lovely though, my family made me feel very special.

But that's not why I'm coming out of blog hibernation. I did something else that should be considered special in October. I mailed in my early ballot for my district. Last  night was a heart-tugging, anxiety-filled evening that kept me up past my bedtime, even though my baby, who hasn't slept a wink in days, was finally sleeping soundly. My family has been through an enormous amount of character building and I felt we had some stake in this election cycle.

I sat in front of the computer with multiple sites opened up and waited... and worried and waited. My husband kept pulling me away and put on reruns of The Office to help get my mind off it. It worked for awhile. But then my inquisitive son came out of his bedroom and asked for "an update" on Obama. So back to the computer I ran.

As the night progressed I received a text from my mother: OBAMA WON! "State your source!" I declared to her and on my Facebook wall which seemed to be agreeing. CNN! As well as a few others. My brother chimed in "The Daily Show"... well that had me. I started to relax. As I pulled up the Google Electoral map I actually shed a tear. I was relieved. So so relieved.

But this post isn't about my immediate reaction, which involved a bit of a dance, a smooch on my son's face, and falling asleep with a content smile... no it's about this morning.

See, my state lit up bright red, us usual. Being born and raised in Arizona has many perks, but rockin' the vote ain't one of them. I voted, I got people registered, drove my sis to the polls on the way to get my husband from the ER... and my vote didn't even help. No, my state went to the other guy. Now, Obama barely skated by on the popular vote, so I'd like to believe I helped lace those skates. But really, what good did my vote do?

As far as local matters, the most updated count shows most of the people I voted for are lagging. The Prop that would've been a leg up for education failed, and the man that I spent all my energy on to dethrone our controversial sheriff conceded.... for that last one I could actually feel a piece of my heart snap right off...

But my vote mattered, even if nothing changed. Even if it didn't count as far as the presidential race is concerned. It mattered because as long as we sit on the sidelines NOTHING WILL CHANGE. As long as we try to fix the system by working outside of it, it won't get better. We can't be heard if we don't speak up. So yes it matters, it matters to me.

On the drive this morning I was talking with my kids about Paul Penzone and how badly I wanted him to win. One of my children said "I thought you wanted Obama to win." "Oh I did honey, and he did! Penzone was running for sheriff." "You get to vote for sheriff??" Which lead to a great conversation about who & what you can vote for, why some people vote the way they do, and why we should keep on trying.

I won't be raising kids who give up on themselves & their ideas... and try as I might I will try to get them to keep the faith in their country... even as mommy loses hers in her own state.

Free Thought Friday - Self Destruct Button

"Well I think I see your problem. Everything is wired through this self destruct button. Do you even need that?"

 

"Well of course I need tha--wait! No, I don't. I do not need that!" 

 



Well, it's the night before another birthday party at my house. Another event I have all planned out. I plan out a lot of my life... to the minute. Then one of two things happens.

1. Some inconceivable problem arises to thwart my plans (or something obvious that I totally saw coming).
2. I throw the plan out the window and wing it. 

I tend to do well in 'fight or flight', 'sink or swim', 'crunch time' type moments. It's when I have time to attempt order that makes me crazy... or anxious. One time, far off in the future, one of my plans will go off without a hitch.

But until then, I vow to stop being my own self destruct button. I am going to chart my course, then go with the flow of things. You win some, you lose some. But you'll never be victorious if you keep getting in your own way.

And I'll pay attention to my subconscious, too:

"...I tried that robot [uprising] once, too. I hid the self destruct button on the bottoms of their feet, so nobody could reach them."

 *BOOM*

I hear ya.

 

Don't be a Doof.

and that's my free thought this Friday:)

Good news, Goals, and Gratitude

If you look in the right column here on my blog, you'll see a list of goals. I put them there to remind myself, as well as light a fire under me. If I say it out in the open - more pressure to get it done.

 

Well, I'm happy to report that I am just about ready to revamp the list! That's right, 3, count em, 3 things ready to be checked off. More details on which ones and how I accomplished them will come later. Right now I want to talk about the most important factor in 'getting it done.'

 

Gratitude.

 

Cliche? Absolutely. But it's true. When you are preforming the balancing act of life, swaying between peace & chaos, sometimes those tangible things you desire start to seem like just a dream... or a daunting nightmare. So instead of writing down what you want or need, write down what you have.

 

It may seem hard for some to do. What if you want your marriage to work, but feel like it's failing? Stopping and writing down anything may seem frivolous. But give it a try. Write down all the things you do like about your partner... or your house, your job, anything.

 

Awhile back there was a moment when I felt like I lost one of my children. I let outsiders get into my head and make me feel like there was something wrong with one of my kids! I started being impatient and distant and it effected my relationship with my baby. One day when I was literally in tears about it, I grabbed a pen and paper and just started with little things - anything that made me smile, feel proud, or even at peace with the person my little one was becoming. Things started flowing out of me, I started with talents my child had, then good memories we shared. I soon realized how wonderful this person in my life was... and how I let others' judgement - people who didn't really know me & my children - effect me on the deepest level. BUT MAN DID THAT PEN & PAPER HELP.

 

If you are waiting for good news to come into your life, start bringing in your own! Even if it's just 'dinner was good' 'family movie night' 'I got to soak in the tub for 10 mins'. Write it, own it, focus on it.

 

Once you've seen the lovely things in your life - chart your goals. But be sure to keep track of both short term and long term goals. Heck, even a daily to do list will let you realize what you accomplish and where you'd like to refocus your energy. And once you start checking those things off, you'll feel like a champion - which is exactly what you are.

 

Keep an eye out for future posts on how I accomplished the goals listed on the right. And watch out for my bucket list! My husband & I our writing our own & a shared list. Live your life the way you know it is meant to be!

 

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grat*i*tude: the quality or feeling of being thankful or grateful

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Free Thought Friday - It Is What It Is, Unless It Isn't

Some days rock, some days suck.

Deal with it...

Fix what you can. Frak the rest.

Believe, laugh, breathe, act, reflect, dream, observe, live, love.

...and that is my free thought this Friday.

Also, I apologise for semi-swearing, it's been a day of the 'suck' variety. ;)

In Which, I Am Both Jenny & Johnny [a proclamation on my mind]

This post is for a unique part of the population. The over thinking, sometimes anxious, but always 'all in' type. (if you just stopped to wonder if maybe *you* are an over thinker, you are. Keep reading.) If you don't fall in this category this post might not interest you, but my brain post from the other night is far less overreaching - and it's fun, you can check it out here.

I had to get some things done today, things I've been wanting to get done for a long time. I have these projects in my head and since my wheels are always turning, my list keeps growing. But since I am an over thinker I often plan, and re plan, and think, and quite often I am too overwhelmed to actually 'do'. So today, I shut down my brain and barreled through so much. No kidding I cleaned, reorganized the dishes in the kitchen, moved furniture, re shelved all my kids books, and a few other things... I checked so much off my list it actually seems psychotic.

Such a wonderful thing to be able to shut down and just go for it... then it was time to reboot.

*KaBOOM*

I hopped in the car to go get my kids from school and my mind just came racing back to me in all its passionate glory. I had My Chemical Romance rocking on my radio, as usual, and I was listening to my anthem - Bulletproof Heart (which I am sure is directed towards my brain as I am clearly both Jenny & Johnny in this song - at least they make up a good portion of my chaotic brain). And guess what - I literally had half this blog post written in my head while I was singing along to the radio and going over what I had left to do today... all while beaming triumphantly at the day's success.

That's when it hit me - slow down! Not the car, no, my thoughts. Every once-in-awhile I just embrace the fact that I must be bipolar or experience mania to some degree. I get so ready to get stuff done that I go all in until I realize I'd better ease up or I am going to Thelma & Louise it right off a cliff... so to speak (see how I keep comparing myself to 2 people at once?). This feeling comes and goes, it doesn't bother me except when I wonder if my kids are thinking "which mama are we getting today?"

But that's just my brain being dramatic again. My mind is a daily lesson on balance. Balancing the peace with the chaos, the patience with the action, the good with the bad. Practice will eventually make perfect-ish and I love to just go with the flow of things.

So to all you over thinkers remember this: Sometimes you need a plan! And sometimes you need to shut down just to stand up! Master your mindful craft and remember - you rock... and roll. See, it's always a 2 for 1 with me! ;)

Politics, Religion, and Other Topics That Make You Popular

Alternate title: What Speaks Peace, But Produces Chaos?
Made for TV Movie Title: So I Married An Atheist

My husband recently "came out." No, he's not gay. He somehow thinks that would've been easier. He has just embraced Atheism. He is in no way trying to minimize the bravery it takes to be openly gay - even these days. He was just terrified to 'spill the beans.' He never really hid it, just didn't talk about it until recently. My sister also came out recently, and yes, I do mean in the 'gay way'. :)

I think it is wrong for anyone to hide anything about themselves. It's ridiculous and harmful. I never thought of myself as having anything hidden. That is until I wrote this post for suicide awareness day. There I was, scared to talk, scared to share. But I ended up doing it anyway. If it helps anyone realize they need to speak out loud about their thoughts - so be it. If not, at least I got it off my chest. Oh, the stigma surrounding mental health issues! Kinda makes ya feel like hiding in the dark, in a closet perhaps?

It's just pitiful! Let's take popular battle ground #1: religion. If you're a person of faith - you're probably into 'spreading the good news', if you are a person of science - you are most definitely of the debating-the-facts-and-brainstorming-problems variety. But more often than not, this topic turns into people feeling the need to defend their stance or cram it down your throat because you're wrong if you disagree! What ever happened to *meaningful* discussion?

Popular battle ground #2: politics. Here's the thing, when you live in a democracy and you have a voice in things, then it is absolutely essential to talk. To share information, to discuss the who, what, when, and how of things. Not to sling mud, form anti-groups, boycott, or (and here's the kicker) choose ignorance & political apathy because you're afraid or disgusted by your options. Even politicians themselves have stopped talking about their own ideas and just focus on tearing down the other guy.

Other topics that won't have you winning a popularity contest: parenting (especially the baby years!), environment, mental health, sexuality, I have even seen lengthy debates over what is and isn't okay for comedians to joke about [spoiler alert: nobody agrees on what is 'off limits'].

Listen up people, it's not going to get better unless EVERYONE can realize these 4 things:

1. If your faith, thoughts, and opinions are rattled by someone else not sharing them; then your faith, thoughts, and opinions weren't that strong to begin with.
2. You'd want to be loved & respected for who you are, not in spite of it. So do the same. This is HUGE for family strength. People are hurting themselves because they'd rather have that pain than face their families finding out one thing or another about them. Don't be a part of the hate, hiding, and hurting.
3. The world (I'm looking right at you AMERICA) will never know true freedom until people stop plugging their ears and building their walls. Seriously. True freedom dictates the same rights be available for ALL. If you want to be free to think and feel, it stands to reason you'd let the next guy have the same dignity.
4. When you start labeling yourself never forget: each label is just a part of the whole picture that is uniquely and wonderfully you. And that applies to everyone.

Last thought of the night: The Dalai Lama recently shared this thought ---> All the world’s major religions, with their emphasis on love, compassion, patience, tolerance, and forgiveness can and do promote inner values. But the reality of the world today is that grounding ethics in religion is no longer adequate. This is why I am increasingly convinced that the time has come to find a way of thinking about spirituality and ethics beyond religion altogether. I wholeheartedly concur. We can move to better understand ourselves across all borders. We can take care of each other without prejudice, so that no one has to live in fear or shame.

Written thoughtfully and with love,
By an all inclusive to-a-fault, lukewarm Democrat, believing in God but definitely not in the conventional way, nonreligious, science loving but questioning, supportive wife of an Atheist, mother of 4 very different individuals, who has battled PPD & anxiety and is out of the dark an staying put!!

Free Thought Friday - Brains Aren't Just for Zombies!

Brain: the part of the central nervous system enclosed in the cranium of humans and other vertebrates, consisting of a soft, convoluted mass of gray and white matter and serving to control and coordinate the mental and physical actions. [dictionary.com definition]

Brain: Your brain is the boss of your body and runs the whole show. [kidshealth.org definition]

Brain: use it or lose it.

We all have our own built in biological computer, our circuit board with our own individual wiring.

Everything you think, feel, and act on is handled by your brain. When someone says "he's got a big heart", you can actually thank his brain for the kindness. That breath you just took without even thinking, yes your lungs took it... but your brain told it too.

Have you appreciated your brain today? Not everyone does. Everyone uses theirs every single day. Don't let anyone tell you different. We're all wired different, we all think for ourselves, we all get passionate - or can't seem to muster up passion for - different things.

So feed your brain, appreciate it and it will reward you. You'll reap benefits like mental clarity & focus, more energy, better memory, maybe even ward off issues that come to some people in old age - like dementia and Alzheimer's.

CHALLENGE YOURSELF! Take up a new hobby, read read read, play puzzle games, solve a murder mystery (ya know, for pretendsies), or even just try brushing your teeth with your less dominant hand or taking different routes to familiar places.

Remember, brains aren't just for zombies!

And that's my free thought this Friday!

(Thank you brain.)

 

Shining a Light in the Dark - A Post For #SuicideAwarenessDay

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I have been trying to figure out what to say on the subject of suicide. This particular topic is touchy, it has a certain image to many, and requires anyone sharing to be startlingly open - even when keeping things vague. Please bare with me as I recount my thoughts, for it is VERY important to discuss - not for me, but for the many who haven't yet found their voice.

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"I don't think about suicide. I think about thinking about it." -rationalizing thought

 

"I can see how people get to that point." -sympathing thought

 

"I couldn't even if I wanted to, I've got too many people who need me around." -dismissive thought

 

It took me years of 'breaking points' to realize the above thoughts that floated in and out of my head were not okay. They were not thoughts of a person who was doing fine. I never ever spoke those words, just let them come and go when they needed to. I had been through meds for post partum depression after babies, I had been to a number of mood management therapy classes (passed with flying colors!) after losing my dad and letting things pile up. But this one topic I never wanted to speak about - out of shame or embarassment or maybe even confusion as to what I was even thinking... I'm not sure.

 

One night, enough was enough, the weight of a summer wrought with heart break, pain, medical issues, and finacial woes put those thoughts back in my head. I HAD BEEN DOING SO GOOD. I was NOT going (even *sympathetically* going) there again! I sent a text to the only person I felt comfortable blurting this out to in the moment:

 

"Are you up? I'm not okay." -courageous act

 

And from there, I was free. Once I got out in the open something I never ever ever ever let anyone (anyone!!) even remotely know, I was free to process what I had been denying and dismissing. Was I suicidal? No! But I was way to comfortable with the idea of that kind of fall back.

 

After a brief but life changing (saving!) few text messages I woke my husband, handed him the phone and gave him a moment. He read, we talked, he cried... we shared, we laughed, I breathed.

 

 If you are ever feeling suicidal or even sympathetically suicidal, talk. EVERYONE has SOMEONE to tell. I cannot explain to you enough the relief it brought talking. Was my mind instantly fixed? Of course not, my mind is a chaotic one - I'll be working on that forever. :) Did my burdening problems go away? NO. But making connections and not hiding literally saved my life. Even if you think about thinking about suicide, open up! Please, the dark is scary, shine light on yourself.

 

Suicide is something you can never ever ever ever ever take back.

 

 

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (US) 1 800 273 -8255

http://www.nationalsuicidepreventionlifeline.org 

 



1-800-784-2433

http://www.suicidehotlines.com/

 

RESOURCES

http://psychcentral.com/helpme.htm

 

 

9.11

 

Image links to http://www.allegiancemusical.com/blog-entry/reflect

 

I will remember where I was forever, and how shaken I felt even from the opposite side of the country.

We say we'll 'never forget', but how long did it take to become a country divided - yet again.

Remember, reflect, regroup.

☮   ☮

☯ Free Though Friday - Living is Learning ☯

2012 has been a trying time for me so far, but you have to take the good with the bad. You have to let life happen to you, in all its' peace & chaos. Just make sure you are living with it, not fighting against it.

I have kept telling myself that things are happening this way to strengthen my family. But we are already strong. So what is the universe trying to do? I've lived this year already... back in 2005 - low on money, sickness plaguing a family member, finances running low, new baby in the house, issues tugging the people I love apart... Why am I having to do this all again?

Because that's life. Money comes and goes - get over it, get it, use it, let it go. Loved ones get sick - life is precious, live it. New babies in the midst of chaos - bring innocence & peace. Feuds, fights, petty things - these are here for you to learn about yourself.

Knee-deep in the middle of a difficult year I am listening. I have learned how amazingly strong my family is, how intelligent, capable, and adaptable we are. I have learned who I can talk to about anything, and I who I definitely can't. I've learned not only who is there for me, but who I am willing to be there for (spoiler alert - I'm not the doormat I seem to be!). I've even learned what my breaking point is - and that was scary! But I've also learned it's not the end of the world.

So when you are in the middle of a bad moment... day, week, year... life! Try to listen. It might not be bad, so much as trying to teach you something. It will take some discipline to realize when to act and when to be patient.

 ☯

"I will meet each struggle with a smile, with all my might, and be ready to listen. Living is learning."

☯

 ...and that is my free thought this Friday.

I Guess I'm a Nerd *Weather* You Like it or Not!

I love a good monsoon storm. Monsoon's in Arizona mean total unpredictability. It's funny because I also love the calm orderly Phoenix area weather. I'm not sure I could live anywhere else. I mean...

"You don't have to shovel sunshine."

and

"It's a dry heat."

 

But I get all giddy when it rains. I embrace the chaos of a crazy storm like it is my best friend. And the calm after a storm... it's like we haven't been able to breathe through the heat or the pollution and a good storm is like CPR. I just love it. The air smells good, the thunder sounds beautiful, the lightning looks gorgeous, the rain feels refreshing... I guess I've never tasted the weather, but I bet it tastes like chocolate.

Do I miss the sun during marathon storms? Sort of. :) Check out a few of my peaceful sky photos below and thanks for enduring my nerdy pastimes.

  

didyouknow : Monsoon is a season not any particular storm, it's a change in the precipitation because of wind patterns and brought on by the change in heat. Nerd!

♡ Free Though Friday ♡ - All You Need Is L♥ve

The world would be a better place,

If a deep breath was taken by the human race,

If we listened to these words and really took heed,

Laughter, friendship, and LOVE is ALL we NEED!

 

 

 

~*~

There's nothing you can know that isn't known

Nothing you can see that isn't shown

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

It's easy
All you need is love

All you need is love

All you need is love, love

Love is all you need

~*~

 

...and that's my free thought this Friday❤

The Danger of Apathy as a State of Mind

From : Thesaurus.Com	apathy [ap-uh-thee]/ˈæpəθi/ Show Spelled
Part of Speech:	noun
Definition:	uncaring attitude, lack of interest
Synonyms:	aloofness, coldness, coolness, detachment, disinterest, dispassion, disregard, dullness, emotionless, halfheartedness, heedlessness, indifference, insensibility, insensitivity, insouciance, lassitude, lethargy, listlessness, passiveness, passivity, stoicism, unconcern, unresponsiveness   -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   Have you ever wondered if there is anything in this world worse than hate? Anything more poisonous? There is. It's called apathy. If you hate something, someone, some moment in time - you are emotionally attached to it. This thing has affected you in some way, it is a part of you. But the true opposite of love, the true source of destruction, at least from my point of view, is the absence of feeling or emotion.   I personally can't get my head around 'a lack of emotion', I'm just not wired that way. A person like me tends to lean the other way, empathy - and a lot of it. Possibly too much, but that's a whole different topic.   I've watched people fight, get angry, I've seen the trauma that hate causes. But hate can be countered, hate can be explained and snuffed out. It can be examined and it can be conquered. At the very least, you can move on from it.   But I have also witnessed the danger of apathy. When someone shows a complete lack of emotion, concern, or feeling towards something or someone, it disconnects people. When it comes from someone that you know or love, it is almost impossible to understand.   It's just as dangerous to the person who is apathetic as it is to the one on the receiving end. When your mind is in a state of apatheia you are not only blocking the bad feelings, you are dampening yourself to the good ones. Apathy has been linked to depression. The two have even been called a "package deal" in medical reviews. [Note: This links to a wikipedia article, I apologize for lack of a better source at the moment.]   Make no mistake, hate is not a good thing either. But it's a feeling you must live through to appreciate love. An emotion that teaches you to 'think before you act.' Stick with hate too long and you're on a bad road, the same can be said for anger, sadness, etc.   But apathy just may be the cause of many ongoing problems on any scale, from home life to worldwide dangers. If you really want to be in a good state of mind, embrace the feelings (even the chaotic ones) and aim for love, peace, and understanding as much as possible.   If your looking for a direction in your own life: just focus on what/who you love and where that feeling is projected back to you. Connect yourself with these people and things that bring enjoyment to your life, reach out and pay those good feelings forward. If you are looking to jump on board a good cause on the subject of ridding the world of hate, anger, intolerance, or violence: check out the links below. And check out a couple of Hollywood's takes on Apathy after the link break.   http://www.noh8campaign.com/ - "The NOH8 Campaign is a charitable organization whose mission is to promote marriage, gender and human equality through education, advocacy, social media, and visual protest." http://www.stopbullying.gov/ - "Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance." http://www.loveislouder.com/ - "Love is Louder was started by The Jed Foundation, MTV and Brittany Snow to support anyone feeling mistreated, misunderstood or alone. It’s hundreds of thousands of people just like you who have turned this idea into a movement..." http://www.itgetsbetter.org/ - ".. I'll provide hope for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and other bullied teens by letting them know that it gets better." http://www.srtrc.org/ - The UK's Anti-Racism Educational Charity http://amnesty.org/en/who-we-are - "Amnesty International is a global movement of more than 3 million supporters, members and activists in more than 150 countries and territories who campaign to end grave abuses of human rights." http://www.hrc.org - HRC advocates on behalf of LGBT Americans, mobilizes grassroots actions in diverse communities, invests strategically to elect fair-minded individuals to office and educates the public about LGBT issues.   -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   definition of apathia : freedom or release from emotion or excitement   forced apathy?:       apathy is easier?:

'Mom's Never Feel Unwanted in the Bathroom' and Other Mom Truths

My loves, my teachers.

Somethings you just can't understand until you are a mom. Below our my Top 8 Mom Lessons. Some are funny, some are heartwarming, all are total mom-truths.

• Mom's Never Feel Unwanted in the Bathroom

Sometimes motherhood can seem so mundane or monotonous that a mom can forget her importance. Tasks are repeated day after day that seem to go unnoticed. If this is wearing you down as a mother, may I offer you this piece of advice: Go to the bathroom. No really, go... now. Just as soon as your bottom hits the seat or that shower water splashes down upon you, you'll instantly remember just how needed, loved, and appreciated you are. I type this out of total experience. Until you've been, umm, using the facilities while simulataneously building a Bionicle AND consoling your frustrated, broken hearted little tyke ("It's okay honey, really, it says 6+ anyway!) - you haven't even begun to be challenged.

• Food Tastes Better on Your Plate

It just does. I know, I know - it looks, smells, and feels identical.. but it just *tastes* better directly intercepted from your plate to your mouth.

• Runny Noses Equal Cuddle Time

You better believe it, when the boogers start flowing - get ready for some major hugging. This one actually doesn't bother me a bit. While sick time is no fun, the extra love is well worth it.

• 'Nobody' Made That Mess

Nobody.

• That Magical Mess? Only You Have the Power to See it

That's right! Super powers come with the territory. What is invisible to everyone else in the household (every. single. one.) is clearly an end to something fun, productive, or creative that you obviously didn't have time for since you were busy cleaning up that last magical mess.

• When Mommy's Not Happy, No One Is

As further proof of the importance & love showered down upon a mom, if you are 'in a mood' it spreads like rapid fire throughout the house. Atleast you're raising a family with empathy... right?

• Controlled Chaos

Yes, it looks scary, crazy, maybe a bit out of control at times. Maybe you're getting judged by someone who could clearly do it all better than you. I say, let them try. ;) There is a method to the madness of every household. And her name is MOM.

• The True Meaning of Humility

hu-mil-i-ty: modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance, rank, etc.

One day back when my first daughter was around 3 or 4, she & I had a bit of a spat. I was getting increasing less tolerant of her attitude by the minute when I began to speak and then something happened. That irritating little snarky face she recently started making? I felt it streak across my face. I could literally feel in me what she was doing that was driving me crazy! Oh yes, she had been watching. Whether it be an outburst when I stubbed my toe, or when my cell phone died, or when someone cut me off in traffic - she. was. watching. Not just *watching* but soaking, sponging, *learning* all my little quirks of imperfection. I now have a 9 year old boy, and 3, yes THREE daughters. With all eyes on me (and daddy! don't forget, you're being watched, too!!) I have not only learned humility, but am slowly finding the best me I can be.

So, what other wisdoms have you learned or observed as a parent? I'd love to hear them, sound off below!

☮Free Thought Friday☮

I've decided recently that I can't possibly take on the responsibility of World Peace. Well, to be honest, I had a melt down awhile back and my husband actually told me so. But what does he know?

So I had to think of *something*. Something physical, tangible, something that *I* could do to justify raising 4 beautiful children in a world that isn't always so beautiful. Come what may after this life, we are here now and as parents we have to be okay with leaving behind our children in this place when we go... okay so I'm dramatic. But still, what can we (I..you!) do to make this place even slightly more peaceful??

 

WRAP... everything.

Okay, let me explain. Meet everything that comes your way: With Respect And Patience.

Give it a shot.

☮ And that's my free thought this Friday. ☮

Encouraging Words...

Compliments, encouragement, nice words - they can be so small but do so much! I remember shortly after my 2nd child was born, I was in the middle of another awful year. Health problems, lacking finances, a new baby... sounds a lot like this year now that I think of it. I was standing in the front of the grocery store waiting on my husband and trying to balance having 2 kids. I was definitely one of those moms who, when the 2nd child is born a new sense of guilt is born with it. Trying to smile and entertain my 2 year old in the back of the shopping cart, while smothering my newborn with love in her carseat in the front. I was tired and anxious when I noticed an older man in a motorized shopping cart rolling by. He looked at me and without stopping said "you're a great mom." And just kept on going...

This afternoon as I was walking back to my car carrying my baby & corraling my preschooler after picking up my 2 oldest kids I got stopped by an aide. She wanted to say hi to my baby since she hadn't seen her in awhile. As we were quickly chatting she said "you've lost weight haven't you!?" And I said "oh I'm getting there" in my normal, self loathing voice. I meet many compliments with a note of sarcasm. I don't know why I do this, I actually really do love myself, but I reject compliments rather quickly for some reason.

As I got in my car and drove on I realized how nice that compliment felt. I've been too blind to pay attention to the fact that, yes I am loosing weight! How nice that someone else could take the time to say something nice (in the heat as she lead the crosswalk kids, no less!). I have been getting ready in the morning & getting irritated that most of the shirts I'm used to wearing are feeling baggy and missing the point: those extra inches are leaving! :)

I am still learning time after time that focusing on the positive is always the way to go. The gentleman at the store then reentered my mind after tucking that memory away for some time. He was a stranger, more so than the nice lady at the school. But both left memories in my mind that will continue making me smile as they pop back in every now and then. Compliments, no matter how small go such a long, long way. Take a minute to pat someone on the back. And when you receive acknowledgement, hold your head up, show gratitude, and pay it forward!

The Obligatory 'Music is the Soundtrack of the Soul' Post

At this point, what hasn't been said about music. Who isn't moved by music in some form at some point in their life? When speaking of music therapy it is said that you need to listen to songs about how you want to feel, not how you currently feel. In other words, if you want to be happy, but you are sad, you tend to listen to a sad song and cry it out. But you *should* be listening to a happy song.

But you are sad and you roll your eyes at the happy song, right? Yeah, me too.

Here's what I've learned. When you are feeling something, feel it. Live it breathe it, find your song and sing it. Whatever you are feeling is true and you need to acknowledge it. Feelings are rarely wrong, how you choose to act during them is what can get out of hand...

So listen to what ever moves you. Sing it, scream it, cry with it, laugh with it...

After my dad passed away I became utterly obsessed with Welcome to the Black Parade by My Chemical Romance. That band speaks to me. There's a line in a song off an earlier album that says

"This hole you put me in
wasn't deep enough
and I'm climbing out right now"

It's Not A Fashion Statement, It's a Deathwish

 



That pretty much sums up how I feel at the moment. And I'm 95% sure their song Bulletproof Heart was written with me in mind...

 I have also notice how often a Nickelback single has coincided with a moment in my life. It's funny because I'm not nessecarily a big Nickelback fan. But I hear an old song by them and I'm instantly transported back in time.

Anyway, we may not all like the same music, but nobody can deny that life without a soundtrack would, at the very least, be pretty darn boring. So what music gets you up and jumping? What song do you find yourself singing in the shower or all alone in the dark?

Welcome to My Written World

I think I'll make my first post an introduction to my brain, as well as why I am choosing to share my thoughts with the online world. I am a woman who, on many occasions, likes to second guess myself or just assume I'm crazy. I literally have a battle going on inside myself. My brain functions at this level of chaos that I can only explain as either a kindergarten classroom or the supermarket the night before a holiday. But my heart is completely wrapped up in this ideal peaceful serene setting. Let's say, the way it sounds *after* a thunderstorm is over. :) A nerdier way of putting it would be: my mind sees the Joker's point, my heart is all Batman. (Yes, I'll be referencing Batman frequently, you've been warned.)

Anyway, my family has been going through a tough year on so many different levels. I recently said to my husband "this sucks." He asked "What sucks?" To which I replied "pick a topic, it sucks from every angle." Now, if you know me at all, I try to stay pretty positive, but when I spiral I'm worse than SpongeBob. So I had to stop and evaluate, and reevaluate myself. I decided that things are going to be this way for awhile, we are working so hard and it will get better. But right now, it literally 'is what it is' and I can either embrace it and face it, or complain. I. Hate. Complaining. ( I don't hate a lot of things, I'm sure I'll blog a list one day. :)

So I began really making an effort to be myself and that's when 2 things happened:

1. I began enjoying life so much more.
2. I found out who my real friends are.

That second one was hard. It hurts to be rejected because of who you are, who you love, what your values are, or because you acknowledge that Batman could obviously kick Ironman's butt. (See what I did there.) But after many shades of confusion, I can give but one piece of advice: Just be.

Which brings us to why I am blogging. If there's a chance that someone, somewhere will read this and realize they aren't crazy, I'll have done my job. Also, I love writing. Thanks for sticking through to the end of my first post. You are welcome to stop by anytime. <3