Hey all, I have been MIA since September for many reasons. October is usually a month of reflection, so I refrained myself from writing post after post about things I still need to learn about, things I haven't fully come to grips with. Halloween & my birthday were both lovely though, my family made me feel very special.
But that's not why I'm coming out of blog hibernation. I did something else that should be considered special in October. I mailed in my early ballot for my district. Last night was a heart-tugging, anxiety-filled evening that kept me up past my bedtime, even though my baby, who hasn't slept a wink in days, was finally sleeping soundly. My family has been through an enormous amount of character building and I felt we had some stake in this election cycle.
I sat in front of the computer with multiple sites opened up and waited... and worried and waited. My husband kept pulling me away and put on reruns of The Office to help get my mind off it. It worked for awhile. But then my inquisitive son came out of his bedroom and asked for "an update" on Obama. So back to the computer I ran.
As the night progressed I received a text from my mother: OBAMA WON! "State your source!" I declared to her and on my Facebook wall which seemed to be agreeing. CNN! As well as a few others. My brother chimed in "The Daily Show"... well that had me. I started to relax. As I pulled up the Google Electoral map I actually shed a tear. I was relieved. So so relieved.
But this post isn't about my immediate reaction, which involved a bit of a dance, a smooch on my son's face, and falling asleep with a content smile... no it's about this morning.
See, my state lit up bright red, us usual. Being born and raised in Arizona has many perks, but rockin' the vote ain't one of them. I voted, I got people registered, drove my sis to the polls on the way to get my husband from the ER... and my vote didn't even help. No, my state went to the other guy. Now, Obama barely skated by on the popular vote, so I'd like to believe I helped lace those skates. But really, what good did my vote do?
As far as local matters, the most updated count shows most of the people I voted for are lagging. The Prop that would've been a leg up for education failed, and the man that I spent all my energy on to dethrone our controversial sheriff conceded.... for that last one I could actually feel a piece of my heart snap right off...
But my vote mattered, even if nothing changed. Even if it didn't count as far as the presidential race is concerned. It mattered because as long as we sit on the sidelines NOTHING WILL CHANGE. As long as we try to fix the system by working outside of it, it won't get better. We can't be heard if we don't speak up. So yes it matters, it matters to me.
On the drive this morning I was talking with my kids about Paul Penzone and how badly I wanted him to win. One of my children said "I thought you wanted Obama to win." "Oh I did honey, and he did! Penzone was running for sheriff." "You get to vote for sheriff??" Which lead to a great conversation about who & what you can vote for, why some people vote the way they do, and why we should keep on trying.
I won't be raising kids who give up on themselves & their ideas... and try as I might I will try to get them to keep the faith in their country... even as mommy loses hers in her own state.
