Have you ever wondered if there is anything in this world worse than hate? Anything more poisonous? There is. It's called apathy. If you hate something, someone, some moment in time - you are emotionally attached to it. This thing has affected you in some way, it is a part of you. But the true opposite of love, the true source of destruction, at least from my point of view, is the absence of feeling or emotion.
I personally can't get my head around 'a lack of emotion', I'm just not wired that way. A person like me tends to lean the other way, empathy - and a lot of it. Possibly too much, but that's a whole different topic.
I've watched people fight, get angry, I've seen the trauma that hate causes. But hate can be countered, hate can be explained and snuffed out. It can be examined and it can be conquered. At the very least, you can move on from it.
But I have also witnessed the danger of apathy. When someone shows a complete lack of emotion, concern, or feeling towards something or someone, it disconnects people. When it comes from someone that you know or love, it is almost impossible to understand.
It's just as dangerous to the person who is apathetic as it is to the one on the receiving end. When your mind is in a state of apatheia you are not only blocking the bad feelings, you are dampening yourself to the good ones. Apathy has been linked to depression. The two have even been called a "package deal" in medical reviews. [Note: This links to a wikipedia article, I apologize for lack of a better source at the moment.]
Make no mistake, hate is not a good thing either. But it's a feeling you must live through to appreciate love. An emotion that teaches you to 'think before you act.' Stick with hate too long and you're on a bad road, the same can be said for anger, sadness, etc.
But apathy just may be the cause of many ongoing problems on any scale, from home life to worldwide dangers. If you really want to be in a good state of mind, embrace the feelings (even the chaotic ones) and aim for love, peace, and understanding as much as possible.
If your looking for a direction in your own life: just focus on what/who you love and where that feeling is projected back to you. Connect yourself with these people and things that bring enjoyment to your life, reach out and pay those good feelings forward.
If you are looking to jump on board a good cause on the subject of ridding the world of hate, anger, intolerance, or violence: check out the links below. And check out a couple of Hollywood's takes on Apathy after the link break.
http://www.noh8campaign.com/ - "The NOH8 Campaign is a charitable organization whose mission is to promote marriage, gender and human equality through education, advocacy, social media, and visual protest."
http://www.stopbullying.gov/ - "Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance."
http://www.loveislouder.com/ - "Love is Louder was started by The Jed Foundation, MTV and Brittany Snow to support anyone feeling mistreated, misunderstood or alone. It’s hundreds of thousands of people just like you who have turned this idea into a movement..."
http://www.itgetsbetter.org/ - ".. I'll provide hope for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and other bullied teens by letting them know that it gets better."
http://www.srtrc.org/ - The UK's Anti-Racism Educational Charity http://amnesty.org/en/who-we-are- "Amnesty International is a global movement of more than 3 million supporters, members and activists in more than 150 countries and territories who campaign to end grave abuses of human rights." http://www.hrc.org- HRC advocates on behalf of LGBT Americans, mobilizes grassroots actions in diverse communities, invests strategically to elect fair-minded individuals to office and educates the public about LGBT issues.
Somethings you just can't understand until you are a mom. Below our my Top 8 Mom Lessons. Some are funny, some are heartwarming, all are total mom-truths.
Mom's Never Feel Unwanted in the Bathroom
Sometimes motherhood can seem so mundane or monotonous that a mom can forget her importance. Tasks are repeated day after day that seem to go unnoticed. If this is wearing you down as a mother, may I offer you this piece of advice: Go to the bathroom. No really, go... now. Just as soon as your bottom hits the seat or that shower water splashes down upon you, you'll instantly remember just how needed, loved, and appreciated you are. I type this out of total experience. Until you've been, umm, using the facilities while simulataneously building a Bionicle AND consoling your frustrated, broken hearted little tyke ("It's okay honey, really, it says 6+ anyway!) - you haven't even begun to be challenged.
Food Tastes Better on Your Plate
It just does. I know, I know - it looks, smells, and feels identical.. but it just *tastes* better directly intercepted from your plate to your mouth.
Runny Noses Equal Cuddle Time
You better believe it, when the boogers start flowing - get ready for some major hugging. This one actually doesn't bother me a bit. While sick time is no fun, the extra love is well worth it.
'Nobody' Made That Mess
Nobody.
That Magical Mess? Only You Have the Power to See it
That's right! Super powers come with the territory. What is invisible to everyone else in the household (every. single. one.) is clearly an end to something fun, productive, or creative that you obviously didn't have time for since you were busy cleaning up that last magical mess.
When Mommy's Not Happy, No One Is
As further proof of the importance & love showered down upon a mom, if you are 'in a mood' it spreads like rapid fire throughout the house. Atleast you're raising a family with empathy... right?
Controlled Chaos
Yes, it looks scary, crazy, maybe a bit out of control at times. Maybe you're getting judged by someone who could clearly do it all better than you. I say, let them try. ;) There is a method to the madness of every household. And her name is MOM.
The True Meaning of Humility
hu-mil-i-ty: modestopinionorestimateofone'sownimportance,rank,etc. One day back when my first daughter was around 3 or 4, she & I had a bit of a spat. I was getting increasing less tolerant of her attitude by the minute when I began to speak and then something happened. That irritating little snarky face she recently started making? I felt it streak across my face. I could literally feel in me what she was doing that was driving me crazy! Oh yes, she had been watching. Whether it be an outburst when I stubbed my toe, or when my cell phone died, or when someone cut me off in traffic - she. was. watching. Not just *watching* but soaking, sponging, *learning* all my little quirks of imperfection. I now have a 9 year old boy, and 3, yes THREE daughters. With all eyes on me (and daddy! don't forget, you're being watched, too!!) I have not only learned humility, but am slowly finding the best me I can be. So, what other wisdoms have you learned or observed as a parent? I'd love to hear them, sound off below!
I've decided recently that I can't possibly take on the responsibility of World Peace. Well, to be honest, I had a melt down awhile back and my husband actually told me so. But what does he know?
So I had to think of *something*. Something physical, tangible, something that *I* could do to justify raising 4 beautiful children in a world that isn't always so beautiful. Come what may after this life, we are here now and as parents we have to be okay with leaving behind our children in this place when we go... okay so I'm dramatic. But still, what can we (I..you!) do to make this place even slightly more peaceful??
WRAP... everything.
Okay, let me explain. Meet everything that comes your way: With Respect And Patience.
Compliments, encouragement, nice words - they can be so small but do so much! I remember shortly after my 2nd child was born, I was in the middle of another awful year. Health problems, lacking finances, a new baby... sounds a lot like this year now that I think of it. I was standing in the front of the grocery store waiting on my husband and trying to balance having 2 kids. I was definitely one of those moms who, when the 2nd child is born a new sense of guilt is born with it. Trying to smile and entertain my 2 year old in the back of the shopping cart, while smothering my newborn with love in her carseat in the front. I was tired and anxious when I noticed an older man in a motorized shopping cart rolling by. He looked at me and without stopping said "you're a great mom." And just kept on going...
This afternoon as I was walking back to my car carrying my baby & corraling my preschooler after picking up my 2 oldest kids I got stopped by an aide. She wanted to say hi to my baby since she hadn't seen her in awhile. As we were quickly chatting she said "you've lost weight haven't you!?" And I said "oh I'm getting there" in my normal, self loathing voice. I meet many compliments with a note of sarcasm. I don't know why I do this, I actually really do love myself, but I reject compliments rather quickly for some reason.
As I got in my car and drove on I realized how nice that compliment felt. I've been too blind to pay attention to the fact that, yes I am loosing weight! How nice that someone else could take the time to say something nice (in the heat as she lead the crosswalk kids, no less!). I have been getting ready in the morning & getting irritated that most of the shirts I'm used to wearing are feeling baggy and missing the point: those extra inches are leaving! :)
I am still learning time after time that focusing on the positive is always the way to go. The gentleman at the store then reentered my mind after tucking that memory away for some time. He was a stranger, more so than the nice lady at the school. But both left memories in my mind that will continue making me smile as they pop back in every now and then. Compliments, no matter how small go such a long, long way. Take a minute to pat someone on the back. And when you receive acknowledgement, hold your head up, show gratitude, and pay it forward!
At this point, what hasn't been said about music. Who isn't moved by music in some form at some point in their life? When speaking of music therapy it is said that you need to listen to songs about how you want to feel, not how you currently feel. In other words, if you want to be happy, but you are sad, you tend to listen to a sad song and cry it out. But you *should* be listening to a happy song.
But you are sad and you roll your eyes at the happy song, right? Yeah, me too.
Here's what I've learned. When you are feeling something, feel it. Live it breathe it, find your song and sing it. Whatever you are feeling is true and you need to acknowledge it. Feelings are rarely wrong, how you choose to act during them is what can get out of hand...
So listen to what ever moves you. Sing it, scream it, cry with it, laugh with it...
After my dad passed away I became utterly obsessed with Welcome to the Black Parade by My Chemical Romance. That band speaks to me. There's a line in a song off an earlier album that says
"This hole you put me in wasn't deep enough and I'm climbing out right now"
It's Not A Fashion Statement, It's a Deathwish
That pretty much sums up how I feel at the moment. And I'm 95% sure their song Bulletproof Heart was written with me in mind...
I have also notice how often a Nickelback single has coincided with a moment in my life. It's funny because I'm not nessecarily a big Nickelback fan. But I hear an old song by them and I'm instantly transported back in time.
Anyway, we may not all like the same music, but nobody can deny that life without a soundtrack would, at the very least, be pretty darn boring. So what music gets you up and jumping? What song do you find yourself singing in the shower or all alone in the dark?
I think I'll make my first post an introduction to my brain, as well as why I am choosing to share my thoughts with the online world. I am a woman who, on many occasions, likes to second guess myself or just assume I'm crazy. I literally have a battle going on inside myself. My brain functions at this level of chaos that I can only explain as either a kindergarten classroom or the supermarket the night before a holiday. But my heart is completely wrapped up in this ideal peaceful serene setting. Let's say, the way it sounds *after* a thunderstorm is over. :) A nerdier way of putting it would be: my mind sees the Joker's point, my heart is all Batman. (Yes, I'll be referencing Batman frequently, you've been warned.)
Anyway, my family has been going through a tough year on so many different levels. I recently said to my husband "this sucks." He asked "What sucks?" To which I replied "pick a topic, it sucks from every angle." Now, if you know me at all, I try to stay pretty positive, but when I spiral I'm worse than SpongeBob. So I had to stop and evaluate, and reevaluate myself. I decided that things are going to be this way for awhile, we are working so hard and it will get better. But right now, it literally 'is what it is' and I can either embrace it and face it, or complain. I. Hate. Complaining. ( I don't hate a lot of things, I'm sure I'll blog a list one day. :)
So I began really making an effort to be myself and that's when 2 things happened:
I began enjoying life so much more.
I found out who my real friends are.
That second one was hard. It hurts to be rejected because of who you are, who you love, what your values are, or because you acknowledge that Batman could obviously kick Ironman's butt. (See what I did there.) But after many shades of confusion, I can give but one piece of advice: Just be.
Which brings us to why I am blogging. If there's a chance that someone, somewhere will read this and realize they aren't crazy, I'll have done my job. Also, I love writing. Thanks for sticking through to the end of my first post. You are welcome to stop by anytime. <3
